You are only human
One of the things that strikes me these days in the healing space is the vilification of our limiting beliefs, our mind, and our ego.
Before I speak about what the heart and soul can do to support your healing journey, I want to emphasize how important it is to un-shame yourself.
There is no shame.
You did nothing wrong by having limiting beliefs, by overthinking, or by having fear-based, ego-driven thoughts and behaviours. You are human. You are normal. Welcome to being human.
Let’s all be vulnerable about it: we have all done wrong by some people. We have hurt others. We have made decisions based on fear. We’ve listened to the ego when it wanted to protect us by keeping us small. We’ve avoided daring choices. We’ve ignored powerful shadow qualities like anger or shrewdness when we might have needed them. We’ve gossiped. We’ve judged.
Un-shame it all.
Limiting beliefs and fears aren’t things to “fix”—they’re things to work with.
Have compassion. Begin the work by giving your mind, and those fear-based limiting beliefs, a big hug. Give them love.
And then—begin to gently shift. Become aware that these patterns don’t support your growth without judgement. Reflect. Change—slowly, one step at a time.
There is nothing wrong with your negative patterns and limiting beliefs. You are OK.
The Longing for More
It started with a longing in my early 30s. I wasn’t happy with my life and could see my limiting beliefs and behaviours playing out in my life again and again. My life felt small from all the overthinking. The deep fear of being rejected, the belief that I was unworthy of love, the anxiety, the insomnia, the episodes of depression—it was all so heavy.
I was trying to live by internalised family and societal norms, with my inner wounds pulling the strings in my mind.
Even as a teenager, in the heart of a life-altering crisis, I remember thinking:
Is that it? Is that all I get?
There has to be more.
Much more.
I had this longing for expansion and peace of mind. I had this quiet knowing that all would be well one day.
Listening to your heart
So how do we shift from living by internalized norms, wounds, and limiting beliefs?
It starts with a longing. A desire for more.
The issue is, for many women, the desire for expansion has been suppressed by internalized and explicit patriarchal rules—for centuries, across cultures. At first, it can even feel forbidden. It did for me.
In The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd, the heroine comes of age expressing her desire to be a writer, to be her own person. (I highly recommend the book—I won’t say more so as not to spoil it.)
“To be true to a world that is not true to you is a waste of your strength.”
“I am my own person, and I will not let anyone write my story for me.”
“Lord our God, hear my prayer, the prayer of my heart. Bless the largeness inside me, no matter how I fear it. Bless the words I write. May they be beautiful in your sight.”
Listening to your heart—your inner voice or inner knowing—is medicine.
The only medicine that will help you make better choices in life.
You are your own saviour
The longing of your soul will help you walk towards your destiny.
This inner voice doesn’t speak in “shoulds.” It speaks in wants.
Sue Monk Kidd writes in The Book of Longings: “We do not need a saviour; we need the belief that we are capable of saving ourselves.”
Our saviour is our own inner knowing. Call it intuition, instinct, soul, desire—it is unfiltered knowledge of what is good for you. Not what society or family tells you should be good.
When I was doing my Master’s degree, I told my grandfather I’d been given an opportunity to do my research in India. “I’m going for five months,” I said.
He replied, “But why can’t you do your research on the Garonne River?” (The river that runs ten minutes from his house.) “The geography of the river is very important for our development,” he added. “There are many research subjects you could do here.”
That was family norms speaking.
For him, keeping girls close to the family unit was important. Girls were caretakers. He needed them near.
But my heart was so happy when I went to India. It felt like coming home to myself. I was nourishing my desire for meet foreign cultures and for travel. I knew then it was the first of many journeys.
It felt like my life was really beginning.
How Can You Reflect on Your True Desires and Develop Your Intuition?
Where do you start?
There’s so much you can do—but I know, in this fast-paced life where women overextend for others and do too much people-pleasing, creating time for yourself can feel like a task.
So, start small.
🌿 Small Rituals to Meet Yourself and Create Space to Listen to Your Inner Voice
20 minutes of journaling once or twice a week
Lighting a candle and saying a short prayer
Meditating to connect with your heart – just visualize a light in your heart and let it grow
Stream of consciousness writing:
Write “What does my heart desire?” then take a deep breath and let the words flow
✍️ Journaling Prompts
What in your life are you doing out of “shoulds”? What drains you?
What societal and family norms have you followed willingly (getting married, having kids, performing gender roles as prescribed)? Can you reframe them from “should” to “want”?
Close your eyes and ask your heart: What do I long for? What do I truly desire?
What desires have you been putting aside?
From collective norms to personal longings is tender, brave, and deeply rewarding journey. As you un-shame your past and begin to listen to the whispers of your heart, you step into a life that feels more like you.
Start small. Be kind. Trust your longing.